“I’m fat positive because I’m a feminist, and I refuse to acknowledge in the magical thinking that if you’re small enough, quiet enough, compliant enough and saccharine enough, you will somehow be enough.”—Why I’m Fat Positive (via wewantrevolutiongirlstylenow)
“The only reason “coming out” is still even a thing is because it’s presumed that people are straight until they tell us otherwise. “The Other must identify itself, or else it is decieving us” is a fucked up, dangerous idea.”—Anon (via victor-the-richter)
Leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed, try licking her from vaginal entrance up to her clit and following the outer edges of her vagina along both sides. Repeating this technique going up and down and vice versa can be a great opener.
Why do you feel the need to add "heterosexual" to your post? Are you homophobic?
No, that was certainly not the point. I included this, among other aspects of my identity, so that readers would know a little bit about who I am and where I come from. While I always try to check my privileges before speaking, there may be times I need to be called out!
On sex workers: that they have rights- to respect and safety in particular- just as anyone working any other job. While sex work often (though I wouldn’t say neccessarily) has its problematic aspects (mostly given the web of gender-sexuality-race-class-etc that it exists in), I feel that the workers would be better off if sex work were recognized as a legitimate form of work, instead of a taboo (or illegal) blip on society’s fabric.
“Sex-negative messages don’t keep people from having sex. They keep people from having good sex. They keep people from having pride in their sexuality, from sexual self-awareness. They keep people from asking questions about sex, and communicating with their partners. They discourage experimentation. They blur the lines between consensual sex and rape by framing all sex as an undifferentiated mass of “bad.”—Sex-Negative Education and the Spectre of Rape « Sex Positive Activism (via monkeyknifefight)
“Ask ten adults to define a slut and you’ll hear things like: a woman who has sex with lots of men; a women who sleeps around; a woman who has casual sex; a woman who flaunts her body. They’ll probably also use words like loose, easy, trashy, cheap and desperate. Someone might say: a woman who has the sexual appetites of a man. No one will say: a mythical creature dreamt up by people who are jealous of or threatened by female sexual expression.”—
“If we understand “slut” to mean “someone (usually a woman) who dresses sexy, acts sexual, and/or has a lot of sex,” there’s absolutely no harm done. “Slut” only became an insult because our culture is completely screwed up about sex, so instead of dealing with it head-on, we assigned it such a tremendous emotional load that instead of saying “Slut is bad because X,” we could just say “SLUT!” and have people feel bad from that alone, no logical rationale required. Having sex without freely given consent, sex that involves dishonesty or manipulation, sex that spreads diseases or causes unwanted pregnancies—these are bad things. But none of them is inherent to being a “slut.” A slut who does their slutting safely, honestly, and consensually is enjoying and sharing pleasure and joy.”—The Pervocracy: Answering Slutwalk FAQs. (via sexisnottheenemy)
“What if those of us who were raised either explicitly or implicitly to believe that sex is dirty, secretive, and unspeakable hadn’t been? What if we didn’t see sex everywhere, but honest dialogue about it almost nowhere? What if the sex we saw portrayed was genuinely varied both in practice and participants? What if some entirely consensual sexual practices weren’t routinely portrayed as “weird” and “deviant” while non-consensual ones were portrayed as “normal” and “how it works”? What if sex was treated as healthy, for those who want to have it, when they want to have it? What if desired, consensual sex was not treated as something to be hidden, something that was frowned upon or disapproved, something that might result in shame — and not desiring or having sex was treated the same way? What if having an STD or unplanned pregnancy did not have a stigma attached to it? What if there was no confusion about what people meant when they talked about sex, because questions could be asked openly and without embarrassment? What if knowledge of your sexual orientation or activity wasn’t tied to the threat of not having a place to live, a caretaker to help you live independently, or money to survive? What if knowledge of your sexual activities wasn’t likely to be used as a weapon against you because of your race, class, disability, gender identity, or sexual orientation?”—http://thecurvature.com/2011/01/04/study-finds-10-of-teens-who-say-theyve-never-had-intercourse-test-positive-for-stds/ (via agentcupcake)
“[T]hose of us who enjoy penis passion often find ourselves silenced by the assumption that mere naming of our pleasure is traitorous and supports the tyranny of patriarchy. This is simply faulty logic. Submitting to silencing makes us complicit. Naming how we sexually engage male bodies, and most particularly the penis, in ways that affirm gender equality and further feminist liberation of males and females is the essential act of sexual freedom.”—Penis Passion by bell hooks
Now, I don’t mean to suggest that everyone should be out having wild (heterosexual) sex. I totally respect any individual’s personal choice to abstain from any sexual act(s) for so long as they want- until they are “this” age, until they are in “that” kind of relationship, because they don’t feel like dealing with sex at this point in their life, or ever. What I’m suggesting is that we, as a society, ditch the social construct that is “virginity.” Here are just a few reasons why:
The expectations and mythology surrounding female virginity creates an often dangerous situation for women all around the world. Despite the fact that many “virgins” do not bleed their first time, severe consequences may face the woman who doesn’t bleed on her wedding night. (See the fake hymen)
It is a heteronormative concept. What does virginity mean to a queer person, who may never have vaginal intercourse in her/his/hir life? What of a lesbian who chooses to never engage in any sort of penetrative sex act her entire life, does she remain some sort of super, extra virgin? If a straight man receives a blowjob, he will in all likelihood still consider himself a virgin, but a gay man receiving a blowjob may have a more complicated understanding of what it means for his sex life. In many ways, our conception of “virginity” erases or invalidates queer sex.
When we place vaginal intercourse at a higher “value” than all other sex acts and define “virginity” in such a narrow way, it can create a seriously unhealthy predicament, especially for teens who have the misfortune of enduring “abstinence only” sex education. Most of us have probably heard about teenagers engaging in anal and oral sex, while maintaining that they preserve their “virginity.” It has been found that without a clear, healthy understanding of what is safe sex, 10% of these “abstainers” have an STD.
Our obsession with virginity thrives on double standard and reflects a model of sex-as-commodity. Women are valued for their “purity” and their sexuality. In many ways, women are simply equated with sex and can be, at the tamest, shamed when they are not doing this sexuality right- for example, by having sex when they shouldn’t be. On the other hand, men’s sexuality often does not get the same amount of policing in this area- male “virgins” are not valued in the same way female “virgins” are (in fact, men may feel pressure to be having a lot of sex). The idea is perpetuated that sex is something that women “have” and men “take” from them- check out the issues of heteronormativity, gender roles, hierarchy, and rape culture in that one! By implication, women only have so much sex to give out before they are “used up,” “dirty,” or “broken.” Why shouldn’t we see sex as a collaborative, mutual experience, and value those with experience instead? (Check out Yes Means Yes! for a great article on this by Thomas Macaulay Millar)
Sex is treated and understood as something that is dirty and defiling, rather than the beautiful, healthy, and enjoyable experience that it should be.
Instead of a broken and outdated system of regulation, we should replace it with frank, open discourse and education revolving around healthy sex and relationships.
I’ve always been a feminist at heart, and honestly, I can’t say when or for how long I’ve officially considered myself one. However, I do know that, around a year ago, this part of myself became vital and central. Taking coursework in feminism and gender studies, I started following feminist blogs and the idealist in me found that the philosophies of feminism had potential for so much beyond the struggle for a middle class USian women’s equality. At this time, I was starting to come into myself as a person, and to become comfortable with myself and my body. I had a new confidence in myself as a beautiful, sexual being.
I started to identify strongly with sex positive feminism. Sex done right- consensual, responsible, and fun- is a beautiful, healthy aspect of human experience. Unfortunately, our attitudes towards sex are often woefully unhealthy. To name a few, emotional dissatisfaction, physical dissatisfaction, sexual violence, homophobia, high teen pregnancy rates, the spread of STDs and the regulation of women’s bodies and lifestyles (through legal means or social mores) are all unfortunate symptoms of a poor attitude towards sex.
At the same time as I have become passionate about these issues, I have been learning to use sex positivity and feminism to navigate the worlds of sex, dating, and friendship. Sometimes I do this well. Sometimes, I do not.
Here, I will write about my experiences, news, social issues, share my thoughts, and more.
I am a twenty year old, white, heterosexual, lower-middle class, cisgender female college student in the U.S. This is the perspective from which I come. I always try to keep my privilege in check and write about a diverse range of issues and perspectives; I am happy to accept constructive criticism and contributions.
The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.
The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire.
”—Audre Lorde (Uses of the Erotic: Erotic as Power)